This boy is discovering his meditations...

I think I just discovered meditation. For this world, it is nothing revolutionary; but for me it was amazing. It's my own brand of it though, something simple and deeply personal. And although it's been delivered through differing actions, it's something I've done all along. I guess I just never realized it for what it was.

Tonight, meditation was:
Carefully prepared baked ziti and a very good cup of homemade coffee. I sat in the comfy green recliner. And after finishing food and drink, I threw a blanket over myself, curled up, and shut my eyes. I didn't fall into sleep, but I wasn't awake either. My body, while completely at rest, freed my mind to walk around. It hasn't taken such a good walk in a long while.

I accomplished so much in that expanse of time. I now know what exactly my next desire is for art making... and I have regained an appreciation for those black and white dark room memories. The process of it all, that's what I love... guiding a piece, an idea, a visual or thoughtful delight; through layers of light and chemicals and magics; holding its hand until the very end, presenting it for all to see, and then letting it go. It's patience; it's intuition; it's parenting.

That's why a wonderful mentor, Keith Millman, told me over 3 years ago that "You're ready for kids, to be a parent, it shows in your work." Tonight, finally, I can see what he saw in me. That is so perfectly comforting and exciting.

And love and companionship, I thought about that too... on this subconscious journey. I discovered what I really desire in love, I realized why I wanted what I did and why other things were good but not right. And I now know exactly what I desire, and I can't wait, because I'll know it when I see it. It seems inevitable as if it were just as simple as a light switch, as if I'll run into her tomorrow and we'll get a cup of coffee or tea; but I know that although my desires are simple, there are no guarantees in life. Minor White died in old age in search of his life partner. His work was sensitive and beautiful in that sadness.

~

Oh, I have missed you delightful Focus... I enjoyed our time together, please return to me again soon.