Late night boredom has me thinking thinking thinking. Thinking about memories. When I awoke this morning, dreams still afloat, I tried to remember beautiful moments in my past. Moments that made and make this life worth living. Yet, when I reached out I could barely grasp a whisper here, a blurred image there. Nothing concrete. Loss everywhere. I'm always at loss when it comes to such a simple operation as memory recall. I always get this sense that I used to be somewhat definable and now at this moment I am nothing, because chances are this moment won't be remembered. I wish so very much to re-live this life over and over without changing anything, like listening to an album of music or reading a novel of words repeatedly. Maybe then I would remember, repetition has always been my savior.
But you blog... you can help me remember. So Tim, remember this:
Right now you are concerned about your condition of singleness. About how you were once a definable couple with sets of goals and how all those gaps of the self were filled by another. And right now all those gaps, those places where you lack skill, intuition, intelligence, experience, motive... all those gaps are overwhelming you at this moment. It was once comforting because Ashley was there to fill in those personality traits. Tim you've become different, in a way. That just happens it seems, change, and we just had to deal and have to keep dealing.
There was a plan to fill the gaps and improve the self. But just as fast as the plan filled these gaps the wider they became. The plan isn't working, or rather, it would work but there have been set-backs and you are failing to execute it now. Right now, at this moment, all your beautiful idealistic dreams aren't happening or at least, all the signs that used to point you in that wonderful direction have gone away. And it's all your fault. You could be doing so much better for your self right now. It would all work if you weren't failing. I wish you would just stop failing Tim. Just stop it.
Saturday, December 27
Wednesday, December 24
This boy is done sledding... for now.
From 9pm till midnight last night, there was sledding. Why sled? Why not? It's awesome. And silly me prophesized to you dear blog that I would find everything I needed in that adventure. I did.
There's something about returning to 12 years old 12 years later. It's unfair to say that it was pure sledding, but in fact also hunting for metaphors. Nonetheless my sister Beth, her friend Keith, and I set out for fun! And oh man did we find some.
After sledding the traditional Nagel Hill run next to the house, we set out for the unknown: The gas pipeline clearing next to the Candor-Owego school bus turnaround. Basically it's a clearing 50 yards wide running all the way down Anderson Hill. Lo and behold at the bottom of this hill was wonderfulness; a steep steep slope then a mini steep hill/bump which equalled FLYING dangerously (almost into a creek!). Fantastic.
After all that, as we were trudging back up the slopes to the car, I found my metaphor. I've been on a great, daring, slightly irresponsible ride down a steep slope of college+youth for the past few years. The last few months were the steepest fun and at the end I was flying, I was high, I was blissfully happier than I've ever been. In November I landed, I wiped out, in fact I literally collapsed. So I've been down lately. But now, now it's time to climb. Happiness is no longer a goal, only a side-affect. To know that in order to find purpose and be satisfied I need to focus, work hard, and earn each step.
There's something about returning to 12 years old 12 years later. It's unfair to say that it was pure sledding, but in fact also hunting for metaphors. Nonetheless my sister Beth, her friend Keith, and I set out for fun! And oh man did we find some.
After sledding the traditional Nagel Hill run next to the house, we set out for the unknown: The gas pipeline clearing next to the Candor-Owego school bus turnaround. Basically it's a clearing 50 yards wide running all the way down Anderson Hill. Lo and behold at the bottom of this hill was wonderfulness; a steep steep slope then a mini steep hill/bump which equalled FLYING dangerously (almost into a creek!). Fantastic.
After all that, as we were trudging back up the slopes to the car, I found my metaphor. I've been on a great, daring, slightly irresponsible ride down a steep slope of college+youth for the past few years. The last few months were the steepest fun and at the end I was flying, I was high, I was blissfully happier than I've ever been. In November I landed, I wiped out, in fact I literally collapsed. So I've been down lately. But now, now it's time to climb. Happiness is no longer a goal, only a side-affect. To know that in order to find purpose and be satisfied I need to focus, work hard, and earn each step.
Monday, December 22
This boy is going sledding.
Oh I'm so sorry blog, I have neglected you far too long. This will be a short post, but I promise you more in the near futures. Christmas with Michele, Jacquie, and Ashley was wonderful... so wonderful. I go home tomorrow, and all I want to do is go sledding on Nagel Hill.
I feel like all this stuff, all this regret, and mini-trepidation of the future will all go away. I am truly temporarily lost and all I need is something... something. Just a sled and a hill full of memories. Everything will be okay and I will find where and how I fit into the next steps of life....
if I go sledding.
Wednesday, November 12
This boy is discovering his meditations...
I think I just discovered meditation. For this world, it is nothing revolutionary; but for me it was amazing. It's my own brand of it though, something simple and deeply personal. And although it's been delivered through differing actions, it's something I've done all along. I guess I just never realized it for what it was.
Tonight, meditation was:
Carefully prepared baked ziti and a very good cup of homemade coffee. I sat in the comfy green recliner. And after finishing food and drink, I threw a blanket over myself, curled up, and shut my eyes. I didn't fall into sleep, but I wasn't awake either. My body, while completely at rest, freed my mind to walk around. It hasn't taken such a good walk in a long while.
I accomplished so much in that expanse of time. I now know what exactly my next desire is for art making... and I have regained an appreciation for those black and white dark room memories. The process of it all, that's what I love... guiding a piece, an idea, a visual or thoughtful delight; through layers of light and chemicals and magics; holding its hand until the very end, presenting it for all to see, and then letting it go. It's patience; it's intuition; it's parenting.
That's why a wonderful mentor, Keith Millman, told me over 3 years ago that "You're ready for kids, to be a parent, it shows in your work." Tonight, finally, I can see what he saw in me. That is so perfectly comforting and exciting.
And love and companionship, I thought about that too... on this subconscious journey. I discovered what I really desire in love, I realized why I wanted what I did and why other things were good but not right. And I now know exactly what I desire, and I can't wait, because I'll know it when I see it. It seems inevitable as if it were just as simple as a light switch, as if I'll run into her tomorrow and we'll get a cup of coffee or tea; but I know that although my desires are simple, there are no guarantees in life. Minor White died in old age in search of his life partner. His work was sensitive and beautiful in that sadness.
~
Oh, I have missed you delightful Focus... I enjoyed our time together, please return to me again soon.
Tonight, meditation was:
Carefully prepared baked ziti and a very good cup of homemade coffee. I sat in the comfy green recliner. And after finishing food and drink, I threw a blanket over myself, curled up, and shut my eyes. I didn't fall into sleep, but I wasn't awake either. My body, while completely at rest, freed my mind to walk around. It hasn't taken such a good walk in a long while.
I accomplished so much in that expanse of time. I now know what exactly my next desire is for art making... and I have regained an appreciation for those black and white dark room memories. The process of it all, that's what I love... guiding a piece, an idea, a visual or thoughtful delight; through layers of light and chemicals and magics; holding its hand until the very end, presenting it for all to see, and then letting it go. It's patience; it's intuition; it's parenting.
That's why a wonderful mentor, Keith Millman, told me over 3 years ago that "You're ready for kids, to be a parent, it shows in your work." Tonight, finally, I can see what he saw in me. That is so perfectly comforting and exciting.
And love and companionship, I thought about that too... on this subconscious journey. I discovered what I really desire in love, I realized why I wanted what I did and why other things were good but not right. And I now know exactly what I desire, and I can't wait, because I'll know it when I see it. It seems inevitable as if it were just as simple as a light switch, as if I'll run into her tomorrow and we'll get a cup of coffee or tea; but I know that although my desires are simple, there are no guarantees in life. Minor White died in old age in search of his life partner. His work was sensitive and beautiful in that sadness.
~
Oh, I have missed you delightful Focus... I enjoyed our time together, please return to me again soon.
Sunday, November 9
This boy is a bit concerned about his soul vessel thingy...
After the whole Monday fainting episode, I just haven't felt the same. My face is still all sore-like and I've got this constant headache that flares up any time I eat anything harder than a banana. And at every moment I wanted to be happy and spend moments with friends, such an effort was made to stave off inevitable crankiness.
So now I'm taking it easy.
I have no desire to get on my bicycle right now. I've been taking the public transit for the past week, which is something I'll be getting more and more re-acquainted with as the snow starts up. Buffalo's metro leaves so much to be desired, especially in the suburbs where buses aren't ever on time. One saving grace: On Wednesday it was awesome to see all the urban school kids on the #32 talking about Obama-this and Obama-that... fantastic! I have so much hope for Obama.
This weekend I avoided fun. Besides volunteer SVAO-ing, fixing up western new york book arts new home on Saturday, I stayed home and made the room I sleep in comfortable enough to live and do work in. It's nice and cozy now. I've also been getting more sleep at "normal" times. This is all nice and relaxing but Ugh... I feel 20 years older than I should.
I guess the thing is that right now I want to have fun and go out and keep doing the things I've been doing, but my body is all "hold up!" ...and I think I'm starting to listen to it.
So now I'm taking it easy.
I have no desire to get on my bicycle right now. I've been taking the public transit for the past week, which is something I'll be getting more and more re-acquainted with as the snow starts up. Buffalo's metro leaves so much to be desired, especially in the suburbs where buses aren't ever on time. One saving grace: On Wednesday it was awesome to see all the urban school kids on the #32 talking about Obama-this and Obama-that... fantastic! I have so much hope for Obama.
This weekend I avoided fun. Besides volunteer SVAO-ing, fixing up western new york book arts new home on Saturday, I stayed home and made the room I sleep in comfortable enough to live and do work in. It's nice and cozy now. I've also been getting more sleep at "normal" times. This is all nice and relaxing but Ugh... I feel 20 years older than I should.
I guess the thing is that right now I want to have fun and go out and keep doing the things I've been doing, but my body is all "hold up!" ...and I think I'm starting to listen to it.
Monday, November 3
This boy is tired.
So Chicago went well enough. It was good being in a new city, surrounded by a forest of buildings with Michigan Ave leading the way. Buffalo and even Toronto seem flat in comparison.
The portfolio reviews.
I know everyone had a different experience with the reviews: we're all different artists at different levels of development. Some art school reviewers also SUCK... like otis. I talked to the San Francisco Art Institute and the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. They are such competitive and prestigious art schools; respectively West coast and Midwest meccas of art. From what I've seen, the work I make fits really well into both schools art-philosophies; so I was absolutely thrilled when both gave me excellent reviews! San Francisco basically said that my work was exactly what they want in their New Genre program; and the super friendly reviewers at Chicago told me to apply not to one, not two, but three of the programs! Chicago still seems like a stretch to me though, because I'm required to sell myself separately to their Photography, Art and Technology, and Performance departments. We'll see... I think my mind is already made up to go if I get accepted to either of the schools. Of course, I'll apply to more, such as a few schools in Toronto. I know it would be really disappointing to leave good friends in the area, but it's such a rare opportunity and I want to get the absolute most out of grad school.
The trip itself... for me.
Mentally I was so prepared for the trip. Only once did I lose focus, and it cost some time, but otherwise everything went smoothly. It seemed like everyone in the group really appreciated the opportunity too see a bit of Chicago and meet with art schools... that feels good.
Physically, I was good too... until I arrived home. At that point my body said, "Done." Then my body thought it would be better for itself to unplug from all consciousness; I passed out twice as I made my way towards Desirae's door for help. Apparently I got her attention, and she took care of me as well anyone could. Thank you so much for that. After running tests and whatnot, the doctor didn't think much of it. And I'm fine now, so it really isn't too big of a deal, although body parts are a bit sore.
It's never done that before... I've always taken for granted that I could trust my body to maintain my consciousness... I feel betrayed.
The portfolio reviews.
I know everyone had a different experience with the reviews: we're all different artists at different levels of development. Some art school reviewers also SUCK... like otis. I talked to the San Francisco Art Institute and the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. They are such competitive and prestigious art schools; respectively West coast and Midwest meccas of art. From what I've seen, the work I make fits really well into both schools art-philosophies; so I was absolutely thrilled when both gave me excellent reviews! San Francisco basically said that my work was exactly what they want in their New Genre program; and the super friendly reviewers at Chicago told me to apply not to one, not two, but three of the programs! Chicago still seems like a stretch to me though, because I'm required to sell myself separately to their Photography, Art and Technology, and Performance departments. We'll see... I think my mind is already made up to go if I get accepted to either of the schools. Of course, I'll apply to more, such as a few schools in Toronto. I know it would be really disappointing to leave good friends in the area, but it's such a rare opportunity and I want to get the absolute most out of grad school.
The trip itself... for me.
Mentally I was so prepared for the trip. Only once did I lose focus, and it cost some time, but otherwise everything went smoothly. It seemed like everyone in the group really appreciated the opportunity too see a bit of Chicago and meet with art schools... that feels good.
Physically, I was good too... until I arrived home. At that point my body said, "Done." Then my body thought it would be better for itself to unplug from all consciousness; I passed out twice as I made my way towards Desirae's door for help. Apparently I got her attention, and she took care of me as well anyone could. Thank you so much for that. After running tests and whatnot, the doctor didn't think much of it. And I'm fine now, so it really isn't too big of a deal, although body parts are a bit sore.
It's never done that before... I've always taken for granted that I could trust my body to maintain my consciousness... I feel betrayed.
Friday, October 31
This boy is going to pull this van over if you all don't sit down and shut up!
So I think I'm better on the things I posted in the last post, she saw it obviously and we hung out and talked and it was really nice. Thank you for that.
Now, I'm dealing with sooo much stuff. I took on more than I can handle this semester, with the SVAO Veep job and Buff State job and Buff State friends and UB and UB friends and the great new friends who seem like they've always been friends and making art works and hating assigned art projects because I'm sick of stupid art school assignments I just want to do my own work and stupid required classes for graduation and the responsibility of carting 7 other people off to a new city for a very short stay for a very important graduate school portfolio review that I'm not even prepared for because I've spent so much time actually tying up all the trip details instead of making my portfolio.... yeah.
And among all that, I set aside time to celebrate Michele's birthday this evening... which was an unprepared thing that I should have been over-prepared for. I do hope she enjoyed it though! In the end, after rushing and being late and doing things past the last minute, I think it turned out nicely. Good good friends, camp fire, foods, s'mores and veggie dogs galore, a pile of jacquified delicious peanut butter chocolate vegan birthday cake... you can't argue with that. Plus, after my late night bike ride home: I feel so good right now... although I should be stressed about this coming weekend and the pile work that needs to be done before tomorrow night. Not to mention the 9+ hour drive to Chicago Saturday and everything that goes along with being solely responsible for everything on such a trip.
So although I would love all your lovely distractions you wonderful friends, especially on this wonderfully distracting Friday holiday, I think it's time for Tim to focus focus focus...
Now, I'm dealing with sooo much stuff. I took on more than I can handle this semester, with the SVAO Veep job and Buff State job and Buff State friends and UB and UB friends and the great new friends who seem like they've always been friends and making art works and hating assigned art projects because I'm sick of stupid art school assignments I just want to do my own work and stupid required classes for graduation and the responsibility of carting 7 other people off to a new city for a very short stay for a very important graduate school portfolio review that I'm not even prepared for because I've spent so much time actually tying up all the trip details instead of making my portfolio.... yeah.
And among all that, I set aside time to celebrate Michele's birthday this evening... which was an unprepared thing that I should have been over-prepared for. I do hope she enjoyed it though! In the end, after rushing and being late and doing things past the last minute, I think it turned out nicely. Good good friends, camp fire, foods, s'mores and veggie dogs galore, a pile of jacquified delicious peanut butter chocolate vegan birthday cake... you can't argue with that. Plus, after my late night bike ride home: I feel so good right now... although I should be stressed about this coming weekend and the pile work that needs to be done before tomorrow night. Not to mention the 9+ hour drive to Chicago Saturday and everything that goes along with being solely responsible for everything on such a trip.
So although I would love all your lovely distractions you wonderful friends, especially on this wonderfully distracting Friday holiday, I think it's time for Tim to focus focus focus...
Monday, October 27
This boy is remembering good things...
It's been weeks, perhaps more than a month... but today I just lost it and broke down. A combination of feelings: love, regret, nostalgia, sadness, happiness, memories, loss. Memories most of all... we had so many together. These were a few of such good things:
-geneseo weekends and squirrel mafia and dave matthews and that pizza place on main st.
-dancing nancies
-the 390, as awful as it was with its dangerous curves and snows and cops
-after the blue car and turning 18
-the blue apartment, tigger the orange cat, the beautiful photographs.
-comfort
-the broken window in the blue apartment
-the rescue of little grey and the lounging fat cat in the blue apartment
-every single time one of us was there for the other
-all the things that should be kept very much private
-comfort
-dinners with her family and the bbq sauce incidents
-holidays with her family, i really loved
-having an intermittent younger brother
-nothing else to do at home: mario's.
-every single guster show
-although a stressful time, every other weekend in albany
-getting lost finding that little greek place on niagara st when i turned 21
-elle and later sebastian
-sugar cookie 1's and 0's
-support
-comfort...
We were partners; best friends. And we came to an impasse... something I couldn't manage, but I want you to be okay and I want to just say hi and I want to be your friend and I still want to talk about the good things...
-geneseo weekends and squirrel mafia and dave matthews and that pizza place on main st.
-dancing nancies
-the 390, as awful as it was with its dangerous curves and snows and cops
-after the blue car and turning 18
-the blue apartment, tigger the orange cat, the beautiful photographs.
-comfort
-the broken window in the blue apartment
-the rescue of little grey and the lounging fat cat in the blue apartment
-every single time one of us was there for the other
-all the things that should be kept very much private
-comfort
-dinners with her family and the bbq sauce incidents
-holidays with her family, i really loved
-having an intermittent younger brother
-nothing else to do at home: mario's.
-every single guster show
-although a stressful time, every other weekend in albany
-getting lost finding that little greek place on niagara st when i turned 21
-elle and later sebastian
-sugar cookie 1's and 0's
-support
-comfort...
We were partners; best friends. And we came to an impasse... something I couldn't manage, but I want you to be okay and I want to just say hi and I want to be your friend and I still want to talk about the good things...
Sunday, October 26
This boy is a proud possum.
Here's a given, circumcised dicks are prevalent across the American landscape. So in terms of new sexual encounters, it's understandable to get a little weirded-out if you chance upon a Johnson pushing up through a skin turtle-neck. If you do encounter a blind Willy, here's a few tips:
1. Get educated.
2. Pull it back!
Seriously, if you pull back the foreskin to expose the head, it will look every bit like a circumcised ("normal") penis. Yay! No more weirdness. It's almost a requirement for safe sex anyway. Now support the cause and join our increasingly popular facebook group!
Circumcision is genital mutilation. Period.
Our western culture is shocked and apalled (as am I) at the idea of female circumcision in other cultures. Yet, we consider male circumcision as healthy and normal? Give me a break.
Modern day circumcision is the result of the constant perpetuation of an antiquated cultural myth started by fears of *gasp* masturbation and sexual pleasure. Victorian society believed that in order to enforce its moral code upon the individual, it needed to do so with a swift punishment at birth; a sexual preemptive strike.
"Doctors in the English-speaking countries started circumcising babies in the mid-1800s to prevent masturbation, which some doctors claimed caused many diseases, including epilepsy, tuberculosis and insanity." (more on that here)
This historical medical ideology enables current day parents to modify their son's genital aesthetic; often so he can "look just like daddy" or so "the boys won't pick on him in the locker room." This sickens me. Parents (with the support of American hospitals everywhere) are willing to put their infant through trauma-inducing pain and bodily mutilation just so their little boy can have a pee pee that looks like the rest.
It's scary how much us Americans fear individuality.
It is true though, circumcisive surgery has a few medical benefits. All of which are remedied simply by common sense: proper hygiene and safe sex. The risks of scarring, botched surgery, and infections are much higher and potentially worse than the uncircumcised medical risks. It's also true that the foreskin contains the most sensitive parts of the penis. And even in the face of conflicting studies, there's no denying that there is lost sensitivity (duh!).
My conclusion: circumcision at birth is a political and social attack on the sexual freedoms of the individual. You are evil if you still support it.
1. Get educated.
2. Pull it back!
Seriously, if you pull back the foreskin to expose the head, it will look every bit like a circumcised ("normal") penis. Yay! No more weirdness. It's almost a requirement for safe sex anyway. Now support the cause and join our increasingly popular facebook group!
now,
This boy is going to rant.
This boy is going to rant.
Circumcision is genital mutilation. Period.
Our western culture is shocked and apalled (as am I) at the idea of female circumcision in other cultures. Yet, we consider male circumcision as healthy and normal? Give me a break.
Modern day circumcision is the result of the constant perpetuation of an antiquated cultural myth started by fears of *gasp* masturbation and sexual pleasure. Victorian society believed that in order to enforce its moral code upon the individual, it needed to do so with a swift punishment at birth; a sexual preemptive strike.
"Doctors in the English-speaking countries started circumcising babies in the mid-1800s to prevent masturbation, which some doctors claimed caused many diseases, including epilepsy, tuberculosis and insanity." (more on that here)
This historical medical ideology enables current day parents to modify their son's genital aesthetic; often so he can "look just like daddy" or so "the boys won't pick on him in the locker room." This sickens me. Parents (with the support of American hospitals everywhere) are willing to put their infant through trauma-inducing pain and bodily mutilation just so their little boy can have a pee pee that looks like the rest.
It's scary how much us Americans fear individuality.
It is true though, circumcisive surgery has a few medical benefits. All of which are remedied simply by common sense: proper hygiene and safe sex. The risks of scarring, botched surgery, and infections are much higher and potentially worse than the uncircumcised medical risks. It's also true that the foreskin contains the most sensitive parts of the penis. And even in the face of conflicting studies, there's no denying that there is lost sensitivity (duh!).
My conclusion: circumcision at birth is a political and social attack on the sexual freedoms of the individual. You are evil if you still support it.
Wednesday, October 22
This boy is loving the unexpected snow!
Buffalo snow started last night, unexpectedly. I was unprepared, and super cold while I rode Bruce on my way home... this was after completely bombing that Chinese art history mid-term and having no sleep because of studying for said bombed mid-term. No worries though, this will just be high school chemistry all over again. (more on that another time)
But oh snow, I love you so! So while riding home, two aspects about cycling in snow became coldly apparent:
1. Windy snow in the eyes stings so bad...
2. and Warm mittens are a must.
So last night, I gave Bruce some much needed tlc, and then pulled out all the extra winter bike wardrobe stuffs I've been stocking up from thrift stores (Amvets!) for the past month and a half. And then this morning, super early two dollar breakfast at Amy's Place with Jacquie happened (but sadly no Michele). There were beautiful morning flakes flurrying about, so it was the perfect time to test all my warm things out.
Boring Details:
The $5 super wool mittens I got on etsy kept my hands so toasty warm. And to solve stinging eyes, I slipped a thin skull n bones dollar store knit cap under my awesome artsy hat and put my helmet on over that. The brim kept 85% of the stinging snows from getting to my eyes. Also worth mentioning, comfy wool socks + fantastic $3 winter work boots from Amvets were so good, along with old peacoat and layered yoga pants + cheap Amvet's nike warm pants.
The point of all that:
You know that feeling you get when you've got cozy slippers and flannel pj's and a roaring fire and a cup of tea/cocoa and a giant comfy chair and its snowing outside? That's exactly how it felt on my ride to Amy's this morning...
But oh snow, I love you so! So while riding home, two aspects about cycling in snow became coldly apparent:
1. Windy snow in the eyes stings so bad...
2. and Warm mittens are a must.
So last night, I gave Bruce some much needed tlc, and then pulled out all the extra winter bike wardrobe stuffs I've been stocking up from thrift stores (Amvets!) for the past month and a half. And then this morning, super early two dollar breakfast at Amy's Place with Jacquie happened (but sadly no Michele). There were beautiful morning flakes flurrying about, so it was the perfect time to test all my warm things out.
Boring Details:
The $5 super wool mittens I got on etsy kept my hands so toasty warm. And to solve stinging eyes, I slipped a thin skull n bones dollar store knit cap under my awesome artsy hat and put my helmet on over that. The brim kept 85% of the stinging snows from getting to my eyes. Also worth mentioning, comfy wool socks + fantastic $3 winter work boots from Amvets were so good, along with old peacoat and layered yoga pants + cheap Amvet's nike warm pants.
The point of all that:
You know that feeling you get when you've got cozy slippers and flannel pj's and a roaring fire and a cup of tea/cocoa and a giant comfy chair and its snowing outside? That's exactly how it felt on my ride to Amy's this morning...
Monday, October 20
This boy is finding a way to be obsessed with Chinese art hisory, or else...
In order for me to graduate, there are only two requirements:
1. Pass the super-easy and almost mindlessly intuitive (for me anyway) computer science class.
and
2. Pass Chinese art history.
So I'm a bit worried about number 2 on the list there. You see, it's awful to say this, but I just can't bring myself to care enough about art history. It's boring; just like art history-only majors. (Exception is made to art history majors who also make art, or do some other cool and fancy stuffs for their other major.) Honestly, I can't stand dates and names and slide comparisons and the intellectual academia of it all.
Honestly, I DO love it when the slide of a transcendental ancient Chinese painting goes up and my jaw drops. I love those moments.
But now, it's dreaded mid-term time. Tuesday. 6pm.
The thing is: I tend to invest my time in the work I care about most... and since I haven't cared about any of my work recently (except silly things like the Dickie's Donuts obsession), little Chinese art history mid-term doesn't even have a leg to stand on.
In the past, I have leveled hardcore A's and B's at such daunting challenges. The tried and true Tim solution: abandon all friends, responsibilities, and sleep for 48 hours to focus and cram cram cram pointless art and academia into my head. The problem is: it seems there's no way I can make that completely happen this time. This mid-term is seriously important, and I'm worried...
1. Pass the super-easy and almost mindlessly intuitive (for me anyway) computer science class.
and
2. Pass Chinese art history.
So I'm a bit worried about number 2 on the list there. You see, it's awful to say this, but I just can't bring myself to care enough about art history. It's boring; just like art history-only majors. (Exception is made to art history majors who also make art, or do some other cool and fancy stuffs for their other major.) Honestly, I can't stand dates and names and slide comparisons and the intellectual academia of it all.
Honestly, I DO love it when the slide of a transcendental ancient Chinese painting goes up and my jaw drops. I love those moments.
But now, it's dreaded mid-term time. Tuesday. 6pm.
The thing is: I tend to invest my time in the work I care about most... and since I haven't cared about any of my work recently (except silly things like the Dickie's Donuts obsession), little Chinese art history mid-term doesn't even have a leg to stand on.
In the past, I have leveled hardcore A's and B's at such daunting challenges. The tried and true Tim solution: abandon all friends, responsibilities, and sleep for 48 hours to focus and cram cram cram pointless art and academia into my head. The problem is: it seems there's no way I can make that completely happen this time. This mid-term is seriously important, and I'm worried...
Wednesday, October 15
This boy is deliciously saving a few animals.
As a part of my recent obsession with Buffalo's wonderful signature foodstuffs, I got to thinking: one of Buffalo's most famous wonderful signature foodstuffs is based primarily on deep frying dead animal flesh-wings. Now, we all know that this is a cruel yet delicious Buffalonian practice.
So I was curious: is it possible to take the cruelty out, yet keep the delicious Buffalo-ness in?
Voila! Non-cruel and delicious BUFFALO TOFU WINGS!!!
Recipes for everyone!
Okay, so here is exactly what I did, only now it's all second person perspective:
You'll need...
Frank's Red Hot Buffalo Wing Sauce (the kind with butter already added, adjustments to this should be pretty easy for future veganified wings)
Block of Hard/Extra Hard Tofu from Wegmans (not sure of what kind)
Canola Oil
Corn Starch (I'm sure any flour-like stuff will do)
Bread Crumbs
Frying Pan (I used Desirae's super awesome wok, perfect for submerging tofu pieces)
1. Cut up the tofu fairly thin like (like slices of cheese) and marinate with Frank's in a container for a day or two in the fridge. Make sure tasty hot sauce is touching every millimeter of tofu for maximum deliciousness.
2. Bread crumb + flour into two bowls. Grab the marinated tofu several pieces at a time and toss it into one of the bowls. Make sure the flour won't completely cover all the tofu... the exteriors of the pieces should be a red slimy tofu mess! Mix it up a lot... and mash the tofu together using the flour and stuffs to turn everything into chicken finger-esque pieces. Save the left over sauce!
3. Take each piece and separately coat them even more with flour/crumbs in the second bowl. Each tofu piece should be completely covered in flour now. Put them into yet another bowl.
4. Now hopefully you were heating your oil in the pan this whole time, it should be good by now (I used number 4 on our stove). Place your pieces into the oil and fry 'em until they look tasty.
5. Pile your pieces into a bowl when they're done. Microwave a portion of left over sauce and pour it all over those bad boys. And make sure to place all the pieces in one more bowl (exessive? I know!) so they don't over-soak-up all the pooling sauciness at the bottom.
6. That's it! Eat and share them with a roommate who isn't hungry but can't help themselves because these things look and taste so freakin good. Good luck with the clean up too... 4 bowls, 1 tupperware container, an oily wok, and a flourey/hot saucey counter top later.
So I was curious: is it possible to take the cruelty out, yet keep the delicious Buffalo-ness in?
Voila! Non-cruel and delicious BUFFALO TOFU WINGS!!!
Recipes for everyone!
Okay, so here is exactly what I did, only now it's all second person perspective:
You'll need...
Frank's Red Hot Buffalo Wing Sauce (the kind with butter already added, adjustments to this should be pretty easy for future veganified wings)
Block of Hard/Extra Hard Tofu from Wegmans (not sure of what kind)
Canola Oil
Corn Starch (I'm sure any flour-like stuff will do)
Bread Crumbs
Frying Pan (I used Desirae's super awesome wok, perfect for submerging tofu pieces)
1. Cut up the tofu fairly thin like (like slices of cheese) and marinate with Frank's in a container for a day or two in the fridge. Make sure tasty hot sauce is touching every millimeter of tofu for maximum deliciousness.
2. Bread crumb + flour into two bowls. Grab the marinated tofu several pieces at a time and toss it into one of the bowls. Make sure the flour won't completely cover all the tofu... the exteriors of the pieces should be a red slimy tofu mess! Mix it up a lot... and mash the tofu together using the flour and stuffs to turn everything into chicken finger-esque pieces. Save the left over sauce!
3. Take each piece and separately coat them even more with flour/crumbs in the second bowl. Each tofu piece should be completely covered in flour now. Put them into yet another bowl.
4. Now hopefully you were heating your oil in the pan this whole time, it should be good by now (I used number 4 on our stove). Place your pieces into the oil and fry 'em until they look tasty.
5. Pile your pieces into a bowl when they're done. Microwave a portion of left over sauce and pour it all over those bad boys. And make sure to place all the pieces in one more bowl (exessive? I know!) so they don't over-soak-up all the pooling sauciness at the bottom.
6. That's it! Eat and share them with a roommate who isn't hungry but can't help themselves because these things look and taste so freakin good. Good luck with the clean up too... 4 bowls, 1 tupperware container, an oily wok, and a flourey/hot saucey counter top later.
Tuesday, October 14
This boy is obsessed with Dickie's Donuts.
I'm quietly known for my rampant infatuations, but for once it's not for a human being. (Well, there IS always someone(s) on my mind, it's always been that way with me, but this will just add to that.)
I am embarking on an obsession with Dickie's Donuts; and seriously considering dropping all serious art endeavors to address said obsession. And you say, "but why oh why Tim? That's so silly!" And I say, "I know right, that's the point!"
...and also, there's something about it.
Something Buffalo.
Something nostalgic.
Something economic.
Something tasty.
Something sinister.
Something curious.
Something lost.
Something about survival.
It seems college-aged Buffalonians remember their [insert elder relative here] taking them to a Dickie's, and years later it's become this nostalgic memory that has lodged itself down into the deep crevices of their brain folds.
But now: Niagara Street. Hertel and Elmwood. Niagara Falls Boulevard in North Tonawanda. Orchard Park. All of them are empty, taken over, gone, brick donut shop skeletons of memories all... all but one. Dingens and Ogden, Cheektowaga. This is the mecca of Buffalo donut worship. 24 hours. Half stools complete with half diner. It's still alive. Amazing.
So I'm obsessed! Even better is that I think there is something really substantive worth researching and making art about. In the economic Pastry-Coffee War between corporate canadian Tim Hortons and corporate american Dunkin Doughnuts, it's the local all-america shop that becomes a refugee in its own city. It seems Dingen's Dickie's has only held on in large part to the local pigs and truckers stopping in off the 90. It seems they still want to invest in something with local substance, while the rest of us squander our hard-earned cash into hollow donut holes.
Ellipsis...
I am embarking on an obsession with Dickie's Donuts; and seriously considering dropping all serious art endeavors to address said obsession. And you say, "but why oh why Tim? That's so silly!" And I say, "I know right, that's the point!"
...and also, there's something about it.
Something Buffalo.
Something nostalgic.
Something economic.
Something tasty.
Something sinister.
Something curious.
Something lost.
Something about survival.
It seems college-aged Buffalonians remember their [insert elder relative here] taking them to a Dickie's, and years later it's become this nostalgic memory that has lodged itself down into the deep crevices of their brain folds.
But now: Niagara Street. Hertel and Elmwood. Niagara Falls Boulevard in North Tonawanda. Orchard Park. All of them are empty, taken over, gone, brick donut shop skeletons of memories all... all but one. Dingens and Ogden, Cheektowaga. This is the mecca of Buffalo donut worship. 24 hours. Half stools complete with half diner. It's still alive. Amazing.
So I'm obsessed! Even better is that I think there is something really substantive worth researching and making art about. In the economic Pastry-Coffee War between corporate canadian Tim Hortons and corporate american Dunkin Doughnuts, it's the local all-america shop that becomes a refugee in its own city. It seems Dingen's Dickie's has only held on in large part to the local pigs and truckers stopping in off the 90. It seems they still want to invest in something with local substance, while the rest of us squander our hard-earned cash into hollow donut holes.
Ellipsis...
Monday, October 13
This boy is not usually concerned with current events, BUT...
Conn. high court rules gay couples can marry.
I can't express to you how good this makes me feel. No civil union bull shit, straight up rights for gay couples to marry: just how it should be.
I can't express to you how good this makes me feel. No civil union bull shit, straight up rights for gay couples to marry: just how it should be.
Friday, October 10
This boy is finding a new way to express his vanity!
Life and happiness and kittens everywhere! But I'll save that for later.
The chief concern here is just what the hell am I doing with a blog? Vanity, of course! But I will try to entertain you, dear friends and interweb otherlings.
Firstly this post must bore you with personal seriousness and maybe-need-to-knows. Let's do it list-like:
Seriously #1: I already keep a journal (the current one is named Stratosphere), all the good stuff that is really on my mind is in there! You'll be lucky to get any of that here. It's quite repetitive and involves love, friendships, and current infatuations about eighty-seven percent of the time. In other words, no cool artsy shit. The cool artsy shit will go here, of course!
Seriously #2: I am four months coming off a long relationship with an Ashley who in the past, I loved very much and enjoyed much quality companionship with. Sadly life and changes occur and that ceased to function. Now our interactions, when they happen, are strained and awkward... a familiar past hanging sad, joyful, disappointing, and heavy in every word and gesture.
Seriously #3: My bicycle's name is Bruce. We go everywhere together!
Seriously #4: My current life is split between two colleges in Buffalo: I am employed at one as their web site's photographer and an art student at the other. The situation feels unique and wonderful. My friends at both mean everything to me.
Seriously #5: I am merely pretending to be an upcoming artist; my ambitions are vague and allude even me.
Seriously #6: Although I am enjoying the happiness and joy of these past many weeks, I am starting to fear the near future. I feel and know I am very under-qualified for my future art endeavors. I am going to have a very hard time finding meaningful employment when I graduate this December. I will miss this college life. I also fear the loneliness of change and the inevitable move elesewhere that will occur in less than a year.
That's all!
The chief concern here is just what the hell am I doing with a blog? Vanity, of course! But I will try to entertain you, dear friends and interweb otherlings.
Firstly this post must bore you with personal seriousness and maybe-need-to-knows. Let's do it list-like:
Seriously #1: I already keep a journal (the current one is named Stratosphere), all the good stuff that is really on my mind is in there! You'll be lucky to get any of that here. It's quite repetitive and involves love, friendships, and current infatuations about eighty-seven percent of the time. In other words, no cool artsy shit. The cool artsy shit will go here, of course!
Seriously #2: I am four months coming off a long relationship with an Ashley who in the past, I loved very much and enjoyed much quality companionship with. Sadly life and changes occur and that ceased to function. Now our interactions, when they happen, are strained and awkward... a familiar past hanging sad, joyful, disappointing, and heavy in every word and gesture.
Seriously #3: My bicycle's name is Bruce. We go everywhere together!
Seriously #4: My current life is split between two colleges in Buffalo: I am employed at one as their web site's photographer and an art student at the other. The situation feels unique and wonderful. My friends at both mean everything to me.
Seriously #5: I am merely pretending to be an upcoming artist; my ambitions are vague and allude even me.
Seriously #6: Although I am enjoying the happiness and joy of these past many weeks, I am starting to fear the near future. I feel and know I am very under-qualified for my future art endeavors. I am going to have a very hard time finding meaningful employment when I graduate this December. I will miss this college life. I also fear the loneliness of change and the inevitable move elesewhere that will occur in less than a year.
That's all!
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